QUESTION

Dear Dotty,

My wedding day is spiralling out of control! I am quite shy and when I got engaged I wanted a small, quiet wedding with just the people I am comfortable being in front of. More and more people keep getting involved though and now I seem to be having a massive ceremony full of loads of traditional things like throwing the bouquet and a first dance – I’m terrified that all eyes will be on me all day! Help!

Terrified, Leeds

REPLY

Dear Shy Bride,

First of all, take a deep breath! A wedding is a beautiful ceremony between you and your partner, so it should be exactly how you would like it and you don’t need to feel guilty about that. It’s not other peoples day, but yours. We’ll figure out a way forward so your brain doesn’t go into overdrive!

This kind of worry is normal, and it’s pretty common for wedding planning to be overwhelming at times, especially with Covid-19 putting a damper on plans. Remember that if you find yourself getting anxious about your plans and find your thoughts snowballing, try a minute of mindfulness to focus on your breathing. This is the best and easiest way to calm your brain and bring your mind and body back to the present.

Have you thought about going back to the beginning and creating a list or a mood-board of what you really want your wedding day to look like? You can do this alone or with your partner and discuss what’s important to you both, such as if the more ‘traditional’ elements are right. There’s lots of alternative wedding inspiration research you can do, even if it’s just scrolling through Instagram and Pinterest or flicking through some bridal magazines for ideas that are totally out of the box and more you. Be sure to be mindful and not to focus too much on other people’s ‘perfect’ weddings.

You’ll be able to see what is important to you and your partner and understand their point of view on all those little things weddings bring, and find a compromise if needed. For example, if they would like a first dance, but that gives you the creeps, then perhaps you could get some others to join you out there so eyes aren’t always on you?

When you both have an idea, make sure you communicate this to other people so they understand your vision! If you feel like you need more support achieving your dream wedding, our Positive Affirmation Cards are a really great place to start. They can act as a conversation starter and help you set positive affirmations for the day, and beyond. Reminding yourself of your positive affirmations will help grow your confidence and take away that pressure you’re feeling.

Don’t be afraid to ask for more help if you need it. There are many resources out there that can be super beneficial for your mental health and offer 24/7 support such as The Samaritans.

We hope you create a day that’s truly yours!

Love Dotty x

p.s. For the big day –  take a deep breath and focus on breathing in and out deeply – try inhaling for a count of 4, holding for a count of 7 and exhaling for a count of 8 to calm those nerves.